


Turn Into

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, karkat is a teacher, nerd talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2017-12-30 13:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1019446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John makes a discovery that changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you based [Noa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Noa/pseuds/Noa) for being my beta! I am going to try update regularly and actually finish this fic, so stay tuned!
> 
> (Edit: woops, the spaces between paragraphs was really huge from when I moved it from the word document I was working from, all is fixed!)

He's rambling nonsense again.

Normally when Dave goes off on one of his tangents, you end up spacing out and consequently get wrapped up in your own thoughts. Presently, you try to sneak a glance at him but your eyes get stuck; there seems to be something off about him. The first thing you notice are the sunglasses you gave him (which are in surprisingly good condition). Considering the fact that they're over five years old and that there's not a single scuff or scratch, he must’ve been taking good care of them. Dave’s hair somehow manages to retain this messy yet fitting style from the minute he trudges out of bed, through the rest of the day. His freckles are scattered everywhere on his face, concentrating around his nose and spilling out from the center. As he babbles, his mouth virtually doesn't move, causing every word to turn into a mumble. His lips are thin, and kind of pink. Maybe they're chapped. You bite your own lips subconsciously.

Everything seems to be the same as always.

Dave is failing to notice that you haven't paid a lick of attention to his aimless speech for the past five minutes, so you continue your struggle to determine why he seems different. You scrutinize his appearance, his room, and everything around you, but nothing seems to have changed. He turns to face you, and you realize you’ve been staring at him for what feels like hours. You spy a flash of annoyance marked by the way his lip twitches; maybe you should've been listening.

"Did you even hear a word I said John? Jesus flipping Christ, I'm tearing myself open here and you just ignore my mutilated corpse like it's nothing and I am just hurt, bro. All of these feelings spilling out and it's like I'm the only one drowning, throw out a life preserver or something, why do I even talk to you?"

Dave doesn't allow himself to be honest with many people, and sometimes you forget the weight he puts on your "mano a mano" time when you're so candid with everyone else. That's not to say that you don't like talking to him, you just feel like you get something different out of your conversations than he does. He gets his emotional release and support while you get to enjoy his company. You like being the first person he turns to when he needs to vent; he trusts you enough to lower his defenses around you. You get something meaningful out of your time together too and you wouldn't give it up for anything.

“Enterprise here, I’ve got your coordinates and I’m going to beam you back up to the ship...John, are you okay?”

Then, you notice it.

It hits you like a red rubber ball to the face, like when you and Dave played dodgeball in fourth grade (you guys were the last two players standing). Seven years later you look up, to find Dave is still the first thing you see and the reason why your head hurts, why your heart is racing, and why you’re terribly confused. 

You think you might like him. A lot.

The longer you stare at him with that blank look on your face, the clearer it gets. Panic starts to set in, because what do you do when you like your best friend in a maybe-not-so-platonic way? You feel like you’re drowning and floating at the same time and you should really answer Dave already. Concern is starting to show on his face.

“What was that? Sorry I was thinking about something...”

“Don’t think too hard Egbert, you might blow a fuse.”

His gaze lingers on you for a little while longer, and he reluctantly continues his diatribe.

“Did you know it’s impossible to buy a decent bottle of formaldehyde anywhere? So what if it’s a carcinogen? Just don’t fucking bathe in the shit. Metho is hardly an acceptable substitute and it catches on fucking fire. How am I going to explain to Bro that the apartment’s roasting because of my radical collection of dead things, John? There is no explanation, metho is unacceptable. Strider Law has declared in a series of public service announcements that metho sucks dick and nobody should use it. You can’t even use it to develop photographs, what a load of horseshit.”

It’s like someone pulled a bag from over your head. Everything looks so different than it did before you were aware of your incessant urge to plant one on your best friend. You can hear the gears in your head grinding, in an attempt to sort this weird mess of emotions and thoughts. You think your brain is going to short out. There’s this warm, fuzzy feeling fills you when you sit so close to him, and you’re absolutely terrified at the thought of all of this possibly changing. Dave is starting to gesture with his hands and your face feels hot. God, you hope he doesn’t notice you acting weird. You try to act as though you’re interested in whatever it is he’s talking about, but you’ve forgotten how to talk to him.

What if you say something and he sees right through you? What if he realizes that you like him, oh god, please don’t let him realize that you like him. You’re hyper aware of your sitting position, what you’re doing with your hands , how often you nod along and the feeling of your tongue resting in your mouth; even your fucking breathing gets overthought.

“Uh, have you um, what about  Ebay?”

You have to force the words out. You can’t make yourself speak in a manner less awkward and stiff. This time Dave stares at you even longer this timeand you think he’s about to question you but then he instead goes off about Ebay. You can’t bear to make eye contact with him and you’re pretty sure you’re not fooling anyone with your poor semblance of normalcy.

You resign yourself to staring out of Dave’s bedroom window to distract yourself from your sudden change of heart. You’ve never seen a sunset from so high up and you think of how pretty the sky looks, and how it reminds you of Dave’s eyes, before you realize what you’re doing, and you quickly jerk yourself from that train of thought. Wow it must be getting late. Your dad always stresses the importance of family dinners, and it’s not like you were making very good company for Dave anyways. You briefly rehearse an acceptable excuse in your head and then make a show of looking at your watch, sighing loudly.

“Hey Dave, it’s kind of close to dinner. I think I’m going to head on home before my dad starts putting up ‘missing son’ posters all over the city!”

“Yeah okay. Pester me when you get home?”

What do you say now? ‘Yeah of course’? ‘Sure thing’?? God stop overthinking this, you’ve been friends since forever, why are you suddenly so nervous?

“..Yes...”

Your body freezes up and you would’ve smacked yourself across the face if you weren’t so mortified from what you just said. As you recover from your shock, the first thing your brain shouts at itself is, _‘John, what in the hell was that you colossal pair of fucknuts,’_ and then ‘ _Get the hell out of there before you embarrass yourself even more!_ ’

“...Anyways, see you later Dave!”

You quickly gather your things (dropping your binder at least twice), and you stumble out the door of his apartment without even bothering to put anything back into your backpack. The door slams shut a little louder than you meant it to, and it’s not until you’re outside that you finally take a second to breathe. After calmly reassembling your belongings to their rightful place in your backpack, you shakily walk down the steps of his apartment. You’re absolutely glowing. Your heart is simultaneously trying to come up your throat and break out of your chest. Through the nervousness and fluster, you feel a vague sense of happiness lingering at the back of your mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again [Noa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Noa/pseuds/Noa) for being my beta and helping me through the pesterlog html! I also decided to post this chapter a day early because it happened to get finished before schedule.
> 
> (Edit: I went back and fixed some problems I noticed looking back and that were pointed out to me. If you see any mistakes, feel free to tell me about them so I can fix them!)

Clutching your backpack straps, you begin your walk home with a spring to your step. A flock of crows flies overhead and the sight of it makes you remember Dave’s look of concentration when he’s trying to stealthily follow them after school to snap a photograph. You squeeze your backpack straps harder and walk a little faster. A red truck drives by and you can smell the inside of Dave’s beat up red BMW that he loves to bits. You’ve ridden in it countless times, but you rub your face to break yourself out of the memory. You pass two kids are sitting on a driveway drinking juice boxes, and all you can think about are the afternoons you’ve spent with Dave at your house because his bro was always working. You kick a rock and frown.

Why the hell does all of this stuff remind you of Dave? An intense need to punch something overcomes you, and everything makes you feel all gooey and embarrassed because your entire world started to revolve around Dave. Your backpack straps are going to rip off with how much you’re wringing them at every new thought, and your continuous attempts to stop thinking about your best friend “that way” are looking quite grim. A light post suddenly materializes in front of your path and you just narrowly avoided walking right into a pole. After looking around, you realize that two streets ago you passed by your house and you groan as you turn around to correct your mistake.

Your dad greets you as you finally manage to get home; it looks like you made it just in time for dinner. You quickly run upstairs to drop off your things in your room and glance at your computer.

Pestering Dave. Right. After dinner, you swear.

You hurry back downstairs and help your dad finish setting the table before you can start eating. Your dad asks how school was, and if you went to Dave’s after school, and how Dave and his bro are doing (you mumble a “fine” to each of his questions). A pile of mixed vegetables gets pushed around on your plate while you deliberate on how to pester Dave like a normal human being. At least now you can have more time to think your responses through, and revise them before you hit send. You won’t have to worry about stuttering, or your voice doing something stupid. Not being face to face might make it easier to talk to him, since his looks won’t distract you as much! A loud screech fills the room and you realize that you just dragged your knife right across your plate. You hesitantly look up, and your dad is staring. Dave’s handsome mug did a fine job of making your face red before, but now you’ve gone nuclear because you stupidly alerted your dad that something is up.

“John, is there something wrong?”

“No dad, everything is fine. I just-”

You hear a chair scraping against the floor and you look up from your plate to see that your dad has scooted a foot closer to you.

“Son, you know that you can tell me anything, right?”

His hands are laced together on the table and he shoots you an expectant look. You let out a quiet sigh. The eagerness in his eyes is bit worrying.

“I’ve just got a lot of things on my mind right now dad, and I don’t know if I-”

“Does this have to do with Dave?”

“No, well kind of...it’s nothing-”

“A tiff between pals is par for the course in friendship John. I was young once too, tell your old man what happened! Also while you’re at it, have seconds.”

Another slice of pot roast is set on your plate alongside even more vegetables and mashed potatoes. Your dad’s Fatherly Mode has kicked into full throttle and you quickly try to think of ways to evade the conversation as you reluctantly nibble at your second helping.

“We aren’t fighting right now, I’m-”

“Is that ‘Bro’ of his up to no good again?”

“No dad, it’s-”

“Is it a girl? Oh sweet, sweet youth, I remember the days I chased after the skirts of beauties from my classes. Don’t worry John these changes are all very natural. See when I first met your lovely mother, my voice would squeak whenever I talked to her, and I would get all sweaty and soak all of my shirts! She’ll understand that you’re young and still growing and that you’ll grow muscles soon enough and that your copious amounts of pubic hair are perfectly normal and that those ‘random’ erections you always get around her aren’t so random at all!”

His voice is getting louder and louder the more he talks and soon your neighbors will be able to hear this cringe-worthy conversation. You try to shove as much food into your mouth as you can until your plate is empty.

“But you know son, I’ve heard somewhere that it’s a sign of fertility, so don’t worry about having problems with the ladies! Those Egbert genes of ours are genetically favored!”

“Thanks dad, but I’ve got a lot of homework to do and I told Dave that I would pester him when I got home so I’ll talk to you later!”

You throw your plate into the sink and run upstairs, your dad still trying to finish his lecture from the kitchen.

“I’m glad you’re taking the initiative to talk to Dave, son! I’m so proud of you!”

You shut the door to your room and as the nausea induced by your dad’s exposition on his teenage years faces, it’s replaced by a different kind of uneasiness about Dave. You boot up your computer and set a textbook on your desk so you can pretend that you’re going to finish some homework while you chat. You launch Typheus while you wait for pesterchum to log you in. A weight settles in the pit of your stomach and you’re hit by a wave of hesitation. This afternoon was terrible, and you’re reluctant to try talking to Dave again. You really wish you hadn’t promised that you would talk to him later. You’re about to scroll through your contacts, but before you can pester anyone, green text bombards you.

 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 20:23 --

  
GG: hey john you said that you were interested in joining ap comp sci next year right??  
GG: mr vantas is holding an informational meeting during lunch tomorrow!  
GG: ill go with you if you want!!!  
EB: hey jade!  
EB: oh, i don’t know if i want to take a computer science class taught by a film studies teacher, that class with him in sophomore year was bad enough  
EB: i didn’t even know there were that many bad movies in existence until i took that class!  
EB: too many romcoms, jade… too many romcoms…  
EB: actually, maybe jake should take it.  
GG: yeah! he would probably go cocoNUTS in that class!!  
EB: i’ve been teaching myself programming anyways, i don’t think the class will do me any good.  
GG: are you kidding me???  
GG: john you stink at programing lol!  
EB: give me a break, i’m self taught!  
GG: mr vantas isnt even that bad of a teacher! hes actually a lot of fun!!  
GG: and his rants on facebook are the best! hehehe  
EB: that’s because he actually likes you!  
EB: and you actually added him on facebook?  
GG: yeah! everybody adds him on facebook  
GG: you havent??  
EB: isn’t it against the law for teachers to talk to students outside of class or something like that?  
EB: either way i don’t really like him that much...at least not enough to add him on facebook.  
GG: what! why??????  
EB: he was always weirdly aggressive with me! i get that he yells at everybody a lot, but i feel this underlying hostility whenever he talks to me…  
GG: whatever john!!! im sure youre just imagining it or something!  
GG: at least read one of his rants!!  
GG: theyre sooooooooo funny!  
EB: okay, i’ll check one out.  
GG: go go go go go!!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 20:31 --

Even though you have only known Jade since freshman year, you two quickly became close friends. On the first day of high school she helped you find your classrooms, and you discovered that you two had a few classes together. None of your friends had similar schedules, so Jade was practically saved you from a year of loneliness. After the first semester ended, she transferred out of most of the classes you shared, but by then she had introduced you to her group of friends. Jade always tries to help you out, even after you guys stopped having any classes together, and you’re very grateful for your friendship.

You log onto Facebook for the first time in a few days, and look for Mr. Vantas. A lot of his rants actually make it to your newsfeed just from how many of your friends “like” them. Most of the time you ignore them because they’re always about how “THE MODERN MOVIE INDUSTRY HAS COMPLETELY REGRESSED INTO SHAMEFUL AND UTTERLY DISTASTEFUL GARBAGE” and that “TODAY’S CINEMA SHOULDN’T EVEN DREAM OF EVER LIVING UP TO ITS GLORY DAYS IN THE GOLDEN AGE OF THE 90S”. The paragraphs of capslock are an eyesore when you just want to catch up with your friends’ status updates. You click around for a while and wish a couple of random people “happy birthday”, forgetting why you’re even on Facebook, when you suddenly find yourself on Dave Strider’s profile, going through his photos. How did this even happen, you swear you didn’t click his name once! He starts pestering you before you can close out of the window (or continue scrolling down), speak of the devil!

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 21:04 --

  
TG: howdy

Your throat feels dry. The anxiety that dissipated while you were engrossing yourself in social networking comes back full force. As you look through his old photos, you often find yourself by his side in all of them. You remember all of the fun times you two had together, and your floaty feelings only get worse the longer you reminisce. It’s unbelievable how you can hardly talk to him anymore when you guys are supposed to be best buds! You steel yourself and try your hardest to act like normal.

EB: hi dave!

What are you supposed to say? Do you usually say “hi”? Before you can scroll up to read your past pesterlogs, you hear a ping.

TG: how was dinner  
TG: your dad wasnt mad right

Oh right, that was your excuse to go home. You did end up taking a while before you finally talked to him, even after you got back. Even worse, he had to talk to you himself! A pang of guilt pierces your feelings of restlessness. You need to start being his friend again.

EB: no! don’t worry about it!  
EB: i got back in time!

Aren’t you using a little too many shout poles? Now you look overeager; time to reign them in before you look suspicious.

EB: he gave me this lecture on growing up and puberty.  
EB: it was really gross.  
TG: at least hes talking to you about it  
TG: imagine having to sit through a live puppet show acted out by motherfucking smuppets  
EB: ew nasty.  
TG: damn straight

Shit now you sound really bored! What if he thinks that you’re being sarcastic? How did past John Egbert regulate his punctuation marks? You read past pesterlogs with Dave to get an idea of how you’re supposed to talk to him, but you’ve been reading them for a good few minutes now. Quick, say something!

EB: jade was talking to me about a meeting for comp sci next year, but i’m pretty sure i’m not going to take it.  
TG: isnt it taught by vantas  
EB: yeah. isn’t he weird?  
TG: no doubt about it  
TG: have you seen his rants on facebook  
EB: am i the only person who hasn’t added him on facebook?  
TG: p much  
TG: are you telling me youve been missing out on my comments on his statuses  
TG: his replies are comedic gold

Responding to Dave takes a while, because not only are you trying to simultaneously read old pesterlogs, but you type and erase a response at least five times before sending it. It’s probably strange how you appear to be typing compared with how short your actual responses are, but maybe he won’t notice. While you still feel that your words are flat and you’re acting out a character that isn’t you in the slightest, you think you can make it work. You’re already on Dave’s profile so you just click on his wall to look for a Vantas Rant. His cover page is an artifact ridden jpeg image of the two of you making peace signs with “Blingee” sunglasses and cigars decorating your faces. (You find yourself remembering the warmth of his arm against yours when he took the photo and your face gets a little hot. You quickly scroll down.) The first post you see is a rant that Mr.Vantas tagged Dave in. He usually doesn’t tag people in his statuses, but as you skim through it you begin to understand why he made an exception for Dave.

EB: he tagged you in a tirade defending will smith’s rapping abilities?  
TG: i dissed the fresh prince in class and he exploded into a million little pieces  
TG: all of them yelling and screaming about will smiths perfection  
TG: it was possibly one of the most transcendent experiences ive ever witnessed  
TG: and i guess he needed to let out even more steam after school  
TG: talk about booty bruised

While Dave’s comments on Mr. Vantas’s spouts of anger are obviously trying to provoke him more, he does point out holes in his argument and he does it in an amusing way. Mr. Vantas’s replies tend to degrade into lists of successive, mindless swears. You find yourself only reading the statuses that Dave commented on.

EB: i can’t believe you’re still in his class, i wish i dropped when i had him.  
TG: are you kidding  
TG: i am never dropping film studies this class is the shit  
TG: karkats taste in cinema consists of possibly the trashiest movies to ever have the misfortune of being filmed  
TG: each cherrypicked to fulfill at least twenty different quotas to ensure that it will be completely unbearable for anyone who watches it  
TG: im surprised you didnt like that class  
EB: lol, yeah.

Do you use acronyms? Dave and Jade do, but were you ever a guy to abbreviate your words? Well why not, you’re hip and cool, right? Should you have snarked back at him? You’re getting more and more frustrated with your constant second guessing of every single thing you say to Dave. Your conversation with Jade was so natural, you didn’t have to think about a single thing you said to her. Why can’t you bring do the same with Dave? You can’t talk to him at all, but you’re still creeping through his Facebook photos. Stupid, sexy Dave with his stupid, sexy face. You aggressively rub at your own face, as though the friction will make the heat and thoughts go away, but you can practically feel the steam coming out of your ears as your own mind becomes muddled. You’re in no condition to talk to Dave right now, you have to get off of the computer.

EB: i should go! i’ve gotta finish this lab for bio.  
TG: okay later  
TG: see you tomorrow  
EB: bye.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:47 --

You logged off rather quickly right after sending that last “bye”, did that make you look eager to stop talking to him? To be honest, you kind of were, but not because you dislike him! That might possibly be the exact opposite of the problem, you just can’t keep your composure around him. Everything about him makes you grin and even if you don’t want to admit it, you really do think he’s cool! Not the dumb stuff though, like the way he walks, those stupid headphones he wears all the time, and that weird irony thing you’re pretty sure he doesn’t understand himself. When you’re together, you have a lot of fun just sitting and talking to him. You do a lot of other things like watch movies, play video games, or whatever else youths your age do, but you feel it’s not the same without Dave. You two do everything together, people practically refer to you guys as JohnandDave at this point since you’re pretty much joined at the hip. The idea that you can’t talk to him or not even be around him anymore scares you. It’s unbelievable that you’re letting a dinky crush like this get between the two of you, you’re not going to compromise your friendship over something like this!

You glance at your binder and decide to pull out your lab report. It’s not due until next week, but you feel bad ditching Dave, so you work on it anyways. Maybe tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep, you’ll do better at that friendship thing. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More thanks to [Noa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Noa/pseuds/Noa) for being a wonderful beta like usual! Also more characters show up this chapter.

From moment your eyes opened, up to this very instant, you’ve been psyching yourself out about talking to Dave. While the combination of mental pep talks in the shower, and actual pep talks from your dad seemed to be motivating at first, the sound of Dave’s car horn shatters your courage. All of the conversational topics you tried to remember last night have been completely wiped from your memory. You can feel yourself getting all sweaty, but you won’t let yesterday repeat itself. After reluctantly grabbing your things and yelling bye to your dad, you head on over to school with Dave. He started driving you ever since he first got his license, and even though you’re not on his route, he still makes an effort to pick you up. You get in his BMW, toss your backpack in the back seat, and put on your seatbelt, following your usual routine. You think. Something seems wrong. Are you forgetting something?

“Hey.”

Shit, you’re usually the one that greets him first. You desperately try to salvage the situation.

“Hey,” you breathe out. You have to consciously regulate your breathing, how is he affecting you this much? Maybe you were a bit surprised, but it’s more likely that your brain is being stupid because you’re around Dave again.

“Got all your gear?”

You give him a blank stare, when you realize that he said something and you quickly try to comprehend what he just asked you. You give yourself a once over and decide you’ve got everything you need.

“Yeah... we can go.”

“Cool.”

The drive to school is usually just a fifteen minute drive, but it seems to be taking hours today. You can’t bring yourself to say anything, so you sneak little looks at him instead. The morning sun nicely highlights the sharp angles of his face and his deliberately messy-styled hair. However, he pretty much looks like he always does. You never really took the time to study Dave’s face up close before. You must admit he is quite easy on the eyes. Your head snaps to right and you force your eyes to look out the window so you’ll stop ogling your friend. Dave’s eyes are glued to the road and he seems reluctant to say anything too. The air is absolutely stifling, but you continue to spy glances at him. Underneath the awkwardness, you can’t help but smile to yourself and enjoy his company.

Before you know it, you’ve arrived at school already. Dave parked his car near the back of the parking lot where it’s less crowded (you both don’t like being in close proximity to the guys on sports teams, who park in front of the gym and hang around their cars before and after school). As you walk the long way around the parking lot, to avoid walking in front of the gymnasium, you notice that Dave’s composure is a little stiff. The more you walk, the more obvious his tenseness becomes through his posture and stride. How long has he been like this? Is something making him uncomfortable? Should you even try to say something? As much as you want to ignore Dave’s plight to avoid making a fool of yourself, that would be a really shitty thing to do to your best friend. You gather the nerve to say something...anything really... go on now, do it.

“Hey, um, how is, uh…” God, this is painful. “Are you okay?”

You wince at your sudden incomprehension of the English language, but Dave doesn’t seem to notice and is caught completely off guard. His eyebrows furrow for a split second, but now they’re smooth and level. The rest of his face returns to his previous, pseudo-calm demeanor. You’re amazed that you even detected the change through your constant zoning-out, but now you’re concerned. Dave never conceals his emotions in front of his friends, especially not in front of you. You know each other better than you know yourselves, there’s never been any need to hide anything. Whenever he reverts back to using his old “poker-face” it means he’s extremely uncomfortable, or agitated.  He finally replies after a minute or so, but his voice is flat and quiet and comes out as a tired sigh.

“Yep. I’m good. Everything is positively shipshape.”

You’re hit by a wave of apprehension. There’s something terribly wrong here. You go through the events of yesterday, trying to think of anything that happened to Dave that could make him feel so bitter right now. Who did he talk to? Did someone do something to him? You draw a blank. You were with him the entire day and nobody did anything that could set him off like this.

A cold knife stabs you right in the gut and you suddenly know exactly why Dave is irritated.

You treated him just awfully yesterday, and you certainly weren’t doing a better job today. You’re enveloped with guilt and you feel like a giant safe was just set on your chest. Your heart sinks to your feet. One little thing changed, and you hurt your best friend. You desperately want to say something but an invisible hand is clamped around your throat keeping it shut tight. Dave means the world to you and you can’t stand seeing him like this, so you spit out the first thing you can think of.

“Knock knock.”

He almost trips and proceeds to shoot you a questioning look.

“Who’s there?”

His voice is laden with confusion and you don’t really know where you’re going with this, so you just let the words spill out of your mouth.

“Cows go.”

“Cows go, who?”

“No, cows go moo.”

Your delivery was absolutely lifeless and you believe that this has to be one of the stupidest things you’ve ever done.

All you receive from Dave is a look of sheer disbelief and then the sound of his hand coming in contact with his face. He seems to agree with you.

A sigh. “Fucking incredible.”

Incredible indeed. Now you’re sporting a self satisfied grin at your own pathetic japery, but at least Dave’s holding back snickers. The tension in the air has softened from “Solid Enough To Be Cut” to“Mushy and Kind of Spoonable”. At least it’s some form of improvement.

You approach the cafeteria, where you meet up with your friends every morning before class. The whole bunch of you occupy at least three of the tables, but you actually don’t quite know everyone you hang out with. A lot of them are  acquaintances or friends of friends, so your true friend circle is actually only a fraction of the people here. Dave makes a beeline for his cousin Rose, the one person reading quietly rather than socializing with everyone around her. They’re talking quietly and you kind of want to get closer to hear what they’re saying, but then Jade jumps right in front of you.

“John!”

“Oh, hey, what’s up?”

You take one last look at Dave and Rose and return your attention to Jade.

“I know I promised that I would never ask again, but can I borrow your history notes from yesterday?”

“Haha, you really don’t have to ask! I don’t mind lending you my notes.”

“I just hate to bother you! Plus I’ve been trying really hard to not fall asleep anymore during class, but we can see how that’s turned out. 

You sit down next to her and get out your notebook for her to copy the lesson she missed. More classmates arrive and sit down across from you, asking about the homework and complaining about the teachers at the school. Jade chimes in when you bring up Mr.Vantas and as it turns out, everyone else really is friends with him on Facebook except you. Your friend Vriska from your film studies class last year slides up to you so you’re surrounded.

“I heard from a little birdy that there’s a meeting for Comp Sci during lunch.”

She has a mischievous smirk plastered on her face and you’re afraid of what she’s planning.

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’m going to bother taking it though.”

“Who cares? Let’s go just to bug Vantas anyways!”

“He hates me enough, I don’t want him to think I go out of my way just to annoy him. Especially when I don’t even have him anymore!”

“Laaaaaaaame!”

You’re pretty sure one of the reasons Mr. Vantas despises you is because you and Vriska were always talking during the movies, making comments about the horrible acting and Mr. Vantas’s poor taste. She also got you to pull a few pranks on him, which is probably another reason why he can’t stand you. She’s fun to joke around with, but you really shouldn’t let her talk you into participating in her haphazard stunts. Somehow, Vriska manages to convince you every time.. Kind of like someone else you know.

“Just go John! You might be interested in the class when you go to the informational meeting and learn more about what it’s going to be like!”

Jade just finished copying the notes and now she’s all over you too. You’re sandwiched between two very domineering girls trying their hardest to get you to go to this dumb meeting that you’re really not that hot for.

You look at the table across from you and see Dave still talking to Rose. Something about him makes him stand out from all of the other people here, maybe it’s his clothes or the way he composes himself. You always find yourself seeking him out when you’re not even trying, but that’s probably because you’re a little bit biased towards him. This morning was a tragedy though, what if the next thing you say cuts the thin thread keeping your friendship together at this point? You don’t want to accidentally say something really damaging, especially in front of all of your friends. Maintaining the status quo, even if it’s still a really shitty situation, is the safest bet.

“Alright, fine! I’ll go to that stupid meeting!”

Vriska and Jade cheer together and you let out an exaggerated groan. The bell is going to ring soon, and you usually walk with Rose since you share your first period history class together. All of your things are packed up and ready, but Rose is still with Dave. She isn’t making any movements to gather her books, perhaps she’s not interested in heading over to class early like usual. You contemplate going over to her and asking if she wants to accompany you, but their conversation seems quite serious.

In the crowd of giggling teens those two are the only ones without a smile (Rose appearing calm and collected, and Dave wearing an affectation of nonchalance). They aren’t even facing each other, instead, sitting a comfortable distance apart. If it weren’t for their lips moving, it would look as though they didn’t even know each other. However, you know better, and you know that Dave doesn’t like to make eye contact when he’s opening up because it makes him feel vulnerable. His back is calculated to slouch at an angle that makes him look as though he doesn’t care about anything, but the slight tension in his shoulders shows that he’s anxious. When you two had your first heart to heart conversation you noticed those habits, but over time they disappeared as you built up familiarity and trust.

Now you see the Dave from so many years ago sitting with someone else, and it makes you feel terribly uneasy. Two voices are trying to yell over each other in your heard, one screaming that you should run over there to reclaim your spot next to Dave, and another shouting that all you’ll do is fuck things up even more. More of your friends are standing up to go to class--you need to make a choice.

You finally get up and walk over to Jade.

“Hey, can I walk with you to class?”

“Yeah of course! It’s kind of weird to even see you still here, but you’re always welcome to walk with me.”

She flashes you a smile that brightens up your mood, just a little. You listened to the voice that you want to say seemed more reasonable, but really you’re just gutless. Ignoring the problem is much easier than confronting it, and even if the elephant in the room follows you around everywhere and just makes a mess, you would rather put up with it than actually do anything about it.

You pass by the table Rose and Dave are sitting at and you make brief eye contact with Rose before her head ducks down into the book she’s pretending to read.  Aside from that, you receive practically no acknowledgement that you’re going to class without her. It’s really suspicious, and now you’re afraid that they’re talking about you, but instead you just take it as a sign that she’ll catch up later.

Jade walks you to your classroom in the building next to hers and then heads off to her physics class. You take your seat and get out your notebooks while the teacher begins taking roll. The clock at the front of the room is about to hit 8 o’clock, when the late bell rings, and you wonder if Rose is going to make it on time. A minute before class officially starts, Rose bolts through the door and thrusts herself into her seat right next to yours. It’s kind of bizarre seeing Rose rush somewhere rather than walking her usual unflappable, prim stride. Perhaps her business with Dave is so important that she’s willing to give up her perfect attendance.

Wariness weighs on your mind, and you want to interrogate Rose to uncover what she was talking about with Dave. Unfortunately, their conversation was private and you will just have to respect its confidentiality. Rose leans over to you, probably trying to whisper something, but the teacher interrupts, announcing a group in-class assignment. The class is shuffled around and you two end up in different groups, on opposite sides of the classroom. Rose sends you an expression of frustration and all you can do is return it with an uncertain shrug. The class work preoccupies you until you forget all about Rose and what happened this morning. You leave right when the bell rings, and the thought of asking Rose about what she needed to tell you never occurs.

You never noticed just how much of your daily routine revolves around Dave until you actively started trying to avoid him at all costs. After class you usually all meet up and chat a little bit during the passing period, but now you’re kind of terrified of any sort of communication with Dave so you just walk straight to your next period. The crowds of students fighting to move through hallways remind you of why you wait a few minutes before leaving a classroom. Nonetheless, you enter the thick current of students leaving the building that eventually spills into quad, where it’s less claustrophobic. You then head over to your locker to drop off your history textbooks before going off to your math class. The tech building, where your locker is located, is on the farthest edge of the school, so almost no one has a locker there if they can help it.

Your locker is shared with Dave and you two would often walk to it together when getting your textbooks. You enjoyed the peace and quiet of the empty hallway, where your time together was never disturbed by loud groups of students walking through, or your other friends intruding on your conversations. This time, as you walk through the building by yourself, the long, dimly lit corridors seem so much larger. You never noticed the itching silence and the hollowness of the virtually abandoned tech building before. Perhaps you’re finally seeing the effects of the sensationalized budget cuts you’ve heard so much about, or maybe keeping yourself from hanging out with your best friend is making you feel lonely. Either way, you can’t help but feel the discomforting aberrance as you walk alone through the hall that used to be your refuge.


	4. Chapter 4

Vriska is waiting outside of your math class when the lunch bell rings. After two hours of unit circles and trigonometric functions, being able to talk about anything not algebraic is a breath of fresh air. First she pokes fun at the math class you’re in and then she complains about her statistics class.

 “Who cares about junk like Cherbyshev’s Theorem and unbiased estimators? I want to learn about probability and odds!”

“Vriska, I’m pretty sure you have to learn fundamental concepts before learning more complicated ones.”

“Are you saying that I don’t understand the basics? Everyone knows those simple things already, John! I bet even babies could find means and medians, all that the teacher does is wasting my time.”

“How about you get back to me on that after your first test.”

 You two continue your banter as you walk to Mr. Vantas’s class. The door is propped open and you can hear yelling coming from inside.

 “I TOLD YOU SACKS OF SHIT THAT YOU CAN’T BE IN MY ROOM TODAY. THERE’S AN INFORMATIONAL MEETING THAT SHOULD BE TAKING PLACE LITERALLY RIGHT NOW AND I DON’T WANT PROSPECTIVE STUDENTS THINKING THAT MY CLASS IS GOING TO BE A YEARLONG ASSHOLE PARTY WITH YOU GUYS LOITERING AROUND.”

 Your shoulders sag and you let out a resigned sigh. You’re not looking forward to this. Vriska, however, lights up like a Christmas tree. She slings an arm around your back and jauntily pushes the both of you through the doorway.

 “Karkat, no one is going to come. It’s not like the precious seats we’re occupying are in high demand,” Dirk says.

“I know, right? Nobody in the right mind is going to waste their lunch period watching you wank to the sound of your own voice. Just let us stay here and pop in a flick!”

“IF I DIDN’T CARE ABOUT HOW NAUSEATING THE  DISGUSTING CARPETING IS AT THIS SCHOOL, I WOULD BE ON THE FLOOR BUSTING A GUT OVER HOW HILARIOUS YOU GUYS ARE. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT ALREADY, I SEE TWO STUDENTS WALKING IN AS WE SPEAK.”

 Mr. Vantas is at his desk motioning wildly at a group seated in front of him, but they seem to have no intention of leaving. You’re surprised to see a lot of the people you hang out with in the morning; apparently this is where they all eat lunch rather than where you and your friends sit. You see Dave’s older brother Dirk and Rose’s older sister Roxy sitting the closest to Mr. Vantas, along with a nerdy beanpole on a laptop. Striders and Lalondes always seem to go together.

 When Mr. Vantas finally directs his attention to you and Vriska, his entire demeanor manages to contort into a grimace of even greater vexation. If looks could kill, his eyes would be launching actual daggers and spears at you.

 “OH NO. NOT YOU GUYS AGAIN. REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM MY CLASSROOM THIS INSTANT, AND VACATE SO FAR FROM THE PREMISES THAT I’LL NEED A PLANE TICKET TO REACH YOU TWO.”

 You try to inch back outside, but Vriska has an iron tight grip on your shoulder and a wicked smile on her lips. She leads the two of you forward into the lion’s den.

 “Is this how you welcome all of your potential pupils?” she sneers.

“HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I WAS IN DESPERATE NEED OF TWO DESTRUCTIVE MANIACS TO ENROLL IN MY CLASS AND MAKE EVERY SECOND OF MY PROFESSIONAL LIFE A LIVING HELL. I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IF YOU TWO DIDN’T COME ALONG. PLEASE STEP UP TO THE FRONT OF THE ROOM TO PICK UP YOUR AWARD OF DEPLORABILITY AND THEN DEPART IMMEDIATELY.”

 The guy on the laptop takes a break from whatever game he’s playing and looks up at Mr. Vantas with a crooked smile.

 “I can’t believe you’re driving away the only students that will ever come to this stupid meeting. Nobody is interested in taking an AP class where the teacher has a twenty percent pass rate, you should be thankful that these two are even here.”

“CAPTOR, IF YOU WANT A REAL EXAMPLE OF STUPIDITY, HOW ABOUT YOU LISTEN TO YOUR OWN INSUFFERABLE, LISPY VOICE.”

 You are currently witnessing a grown man mock a kid’s speech impediment. Even though the guy on the laptop seems unfazed by his insults and looks amused instead, you wonder how Mr. Vantas has been written up only once during his entire teaching career. (It was for walking around the campus barefoot when a student stole his shoes.)

 “AND HOW THE FUCKING SHIT DID YOU FIND OUT MY AP PASS RATE? I WENT THROUGH EXCEPTIONAL LENGTHS TO ENSURE THAT SUCH SENSITIVE INFORMATION WOULD NOT FALL INTO THE HANDS OF NOSY ASSHOLES LIKE YOU.”

“Ehehehe, did you forget that you’re talking to one of the few people at this school that actually comprehends computer science? I bet you’re the only one in this room that can only read hex!”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THERE IS LITERALLY NO CONCEIVABLE REASON WHY ANYONE WOULD NEED TO READ BINARY OUTSIDE OF ANY CHILDISH FANTASIES TO BE A PROGRAMMER ON THE NEBUCHADNEZZAR.”

 Roxy gasps in mock offense.

 “Childish? It’s always been my dream to be a ‘leet’ hacker with Neo and Trinity!” Roxy pretends to sniffle a little bit at Mr. Vantas, but then she smiles towards the student he’s yelling at. “Also, nice work Sollux!”

 Sollux and Roxy high five and begin talking about the game he’s making. Mr. Vantas’s face is flushed red, and he proceeds to launch another tirade rather than say a single word about his class for next year. Jade finally enters and sits next to you and Vriska.

 “Sorry I’m late! I got held up by a chemistry lab because everyone in my group was absent today.”

“No worries! You haven’t really missed much, just Mr. Vantas yelling at us.”

“Has he talked about a single thing related to his class?”

“Not yet…”

 She takes another look at the incompetent adult at the front of the room, and then looks back at you.

 “Here, I’ll tell you everything you need to know!”

 Jade runs over to Mr. Vantas’s desk, dodging his angry flailing motions, and grabs a packet to bring back.

 “The syllabus is actually available online, but I’ll just talk you through it right now!”

 The class syllabus is deceptively ordinary for the eyes of parents who have to sign the form (its only purpose being to prove that they’ve read and understood what the course entails). She goes on to explain what her experience taking AP Computer Science was, and other students turn around to share their experiences as well. It’s your first time talking to a lot of these people, even though you spending many mornings together with them.

Roxy turns out to be really friendly and you like her right away. She isn’t condescending towards you about programming, but she doesn’t dumb herself down either. She tells you funny stories from when she took comp sci and you can see that even though a lot of the people in here aren’t tech savvy, the class is a lot of fun when you’re with friends. While you still don’t like Mr. Vantas that much, the environment of the class is relaxed and you’re free to say and do whatever you want as long as you get your work done. A lot of former students hang out in his classroom during their free periods and watch movies together from his vast collection. Surprisingly, the thought of joining the class seems a lot more appealing now. Dirk explains the level of programming comprehension needed to pass the course and the actual AP test (not very high), but then gets cut off by someone behind you.

 “Sup my brother and my other brother from another mother.”

“Oh my god haha, how long have you waited to be able to say that?”

“Too long John, far too long. And Dirk, Rose wanted to me to give you this.”

 Once your laughter subsides, you remember that you were hiding from Dave by going to this meeting. Your plan might have failed, but a weight lifts from your shoulders at the sight of him. Despite the fact that you act all stilted and your self consciousness is at its maximum, you like being around him. Still, doubt claws at the back of your mind and your insecurity keeps you from letting your guard down.

 “So this is where you nerds were? The lunch spot is a little empty without you guys.”

 Before you even have the chance go fumble around for an answer, Jade responds for the both of you.

 “Oh, John just wanted to check out this class for next year.”

“Jeez John, if I knew that you were going to pay a visit to your favorite teacher, I would’ve asked to tag along.”

 You automatically react with the most scandalized look you can give him and a light punch to his shoulder.

 “More like your favorite teacher at this school! I’m surprised you haven’t gotten student of the month yet.”

 Dave opens his mouth to respond, but after a moment of thought, he yells towards the front of the room.

“Hey Karkat, where is my student of the month award?”

 Mr. Vantas takes a break from debating the accuracy of technology in film with Sollux and Roxy, to see who’s asking him a question.

 “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? DID I MISS SOME SECRET MEMO ABOUT THE ANNUAL CONVENTION FOR PRETENTIOUS, INEPT PRICKS THAT WAS GOING TO BE HELD IN MY CLASSROOM TODAY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE BOTH STRIDERS IN MY UNFORTUNATE PRESENCE?”

 Dirk perks up and simply raises an eyebrow. You hear a chuckle from Dave and turn to see him walking towards Mr. Vantas. Despite Mr. Vantas being a good 5 inches shorter than Dave, the way he carries himself makes him seem a lot taller.

 “You’re projecting mighty hard there Karkat. Maybe you should get rid of that Epson VS220, so you can screen all of our movies from now on.”

 You hear a few “ooh’s”, and laughter fills the room. The things you say are never as witty as Dave’s come-backs, but you’re definitely going to cheer on your best bro when he’s laying sick burns on Mr. Vantas.

 “’BOOM’ goes the dynamite!”

 Practically everyone in the room rolls their eyes, groaning. Dave grins at you and holds his fist out. You bump it enthusiastically, and stand up next to him so that the two of you are looking down at Mr. Vantas.

 “MAYBE WHEN YOU FINALLY TURN IN THAT FIVE-PAGE ESSAY ON HOW PETER CHESHOLM’S FILM ‘SERENDIPITY’ INFLUENCED THE ROMANTIC COMEDY GENRE, THEN YOUR INPUT WILL BECOME SLIGHTLY RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS.”

“I think the only thing relevant to your interests is John Cusak’s vacant face.”

 This time when Mr. Vantas flushes, it doesn’t seem to be out of rage. He sputters for a few seconds and then snaps.

 “OH, THAT’S FUCKING IT, GET YOUR REPULSIVE VISAGES OUT OF MY FACE AND OUT OF THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY. RIGHT. NOW.”

 When he’s met with nothing but a chuckle out of two of you, he stomps over to your backpacks, grabs them, and then throws them out of the classroom. They flew quite a few feet, and you quickly jog over to make sure that your calculator isn’t damaged. You hear Dave behind you in the classroom, still trying to talk to Mr. Vantas.

 “Holy shit Karkat, what the fresh fuck was that for?”

“EXPEL THAT FESTERING PILE OF WASTE YOU CALL A BODY FROM MY CLASSROOM, AND NEVER COME BACK, UNTIL YOU RECOGNIZE THE SHEER SCOPE OF JOHN CUSAK’S ARTISTIC SKILL AND CINEMATIC TALENT.”

 You turn around just in time to see a Dave stumbling out through the door, with a recycling bin hurtling towards his head. He just barely dodges it, and you have to jump out of the way to avoid being hit too. The door slams shut, and you see Mr. Vantas locking the door from the inside so that you can’t come back in. You open up your backpack to make sure your things are okay, and you’re thankful that you keep important belongings like your phone and your wallet on you at all times. When you look over to Dave, you see him dejectedly open up his backpack and hold up a crushed “family size” bag of chips.

 “Why do the good die young?”

“Haha, dude, you have to have at least ten more bags at home!”

“Family is family, no matter what, John.”

“Whatever, Dave, let’s just go to Taco Bell after school and put the crushed Doritos in our food or something.”

 He eyes the bag for a little longer, and then answers.

 “Yeah okay then. I’m holding you to that, bro.”

 You two walk together around the school, and talk like you used to. It’s familiar, and strangely comforting. Talking to Dave is a lot easier when you aren’t worrying about what to say, and he doesn’t give you any suspicious looks anymore! Making fun of Mr. Vantas with Dave helped you remember what you missed about being with your best friend, and you’re grateful that you went to the meeting. You’re not afraid of being around Dave anymore, and you kind of enjoy the fluttery feeling you get when you’re really close to him. Hopefully, no one notices the warmth in your face when you brush elbows, or your lingering glances at his eyes, or how you try to fix your hair and clothes when he’s not looking. You beam him smiles, and sometimes he smirks back. You’re glad that you’re back at Dave’s side, and that you’re the center of his attention again. Even though sometimes your hands feel empty, and every now and then you feel a lump form in your throat, you try your best to push those thoughts away. Happy thoughts, John, happy thoughts…. right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you couldn't tell, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter (≖‿≖✿) I actually based Karkat off of an actual teacher I had in high school, only in this fic he's a lot angrier and less competent. I'm sorry if you were expecting a serious teacher!Karkat, he was doomed to be comedic relief from the start.


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